Restricted activities

{A post by Joe.}
Have you ever thought about what you should say when you greet someone who you know has a very routine life, but you want to be interested in them?

image from here.

Some people walk a well-beaten path and don't look for adventure.  Sometimes these are single friends who aren't victim to the ups and downs of having children in the home.  Sometimes they are our introvert friends who don't get out much because doing so makes them feel uncomfortable.  I recognize that everyone has hobbies and interests, and that I suppose makes the best place to start.

I can be supportive by showing interest in what the other person is interested in.

But then, there is a class of people who are constrained based upon age or health.  For example, when I was a kid, I often visited Sister Stubblefield and Sister Keys and Sister ______ with dad, who was their home teacher for church.  It seems like if you visit a person in a nursing home, you might say, "How have you been?"   Then the answer might be (or almost always is) health related.  You wouldn't probably say, "What have you been up to?" for fear of making the person embarrassed because there's really not much variety in the daily routine.  You could ask other questions, like "How are your grandkids?"  But then, you run the risk of asking a question that they don't know the answer to.  I once asked a widow whose children were estranged how her family was doing, and all I got in return was tears.  Good going, Joe.  Make the dear lady cry.  It's much easier if the elderly person still has hobbies (even just checkers, TV shows, or reading the paper).

If a person doesn't have something to look forward to, perhaps I can BE what someone looks forward to.

image from here

I have a friend in prison that I was recently prompted to write a letter to.  I had that same dilemma... you don't really want to ask, "How are things going?" especially when you know that prison is the pits and there's really not a whole lot to talk about.  (Am I wrong?)  You could ask about the day to day activities, I guess, but in the end, the expectation is that the response is likely to be on the pessimistic side of things since activities are so restricted.

I can let the person know I care about them as a person even though they have very little choice with their daily activity.

Then there's the other side:  You could just jump right in and talk about what you've been doing, offer the update on work, the family, the world around you.  Quite ego-centric, but at least there's less risk of making a person feel lame.  Or perhaps not?  Perhaps describing the activities that you have been up to will just make the insecure or home-bound or cell-bound feel bad about being left out, or yearning for the days gone by when they were more able to participate in the joys of life.  Is this a catch-22 case?

So I leave it to you:  What in the world can I say to someone who is (more-or-less) confined to life condition that is relatively uneventful (such as a nursing home or a prison) and not sound like an insensitive jerk who is so wrapped up in self?  The fact is that I hold a certain place in my heart for these individuals, and want them to be comfortable and happy as much as their circumstances allow... which allowance might actually be very low at the moment.  An enigmatic situation, if you ask me.  Thoughts?