Encore Videos

Happy December.

Here are some videos of the offspring especially for the far-flung family and friends!!!

Cliff's Notes. Or Word Search. Or Hidden Picture.

Remember when you were in school and you wanted to refresh your memory after drudging through a summer-reading book?  (Maybe that was just me.)  There was always Cliff's notes or some other synopsis to bring it back to your memory.  Well, this little video combines so much of our kids' personalities, if you haven't seen them in a while and need the "Joe's notes version."  It's unscripted, true, and fast-paced.  It's hilarious to me, and epitomizes the boys.  I feel like it's a highlight reel or trailer for the "Blake and Ian Movie."

I have taken a few notes of the quirks, then jumbled them up, if you are following along at home.

Look for:

1. Misuse of Toys
2. Potty Breaks.
3. Bossy Big Brother
4. Word Mimicking.
5. Hugs and Praises
6. Toddling little brother.
7. "No"
8. Home-built weapons/tools
9. Peek-a-boo.
10. Giggles
11. Jumping
12. Belly-Buttons
13. Teasing tugging
14. Baby Vocabulary
15. Learning to Walk
16. Mis-identifying my children
17. Bonk!
18. Stairs

A Birth Story, Part 2 of 2.

My teaser from yesterday.

Okay, so yesterday's post was written within a month of Blake's birth.  Today's is written about 20 months later, so there's a decent chance that a) the descriptions below will properly convey only the gist, and b) some of the critical details will either be missing or incorrect.  For those, Jen, I'm sorry.

Here goes.  Yesterday we left off around 4:30 am, when Jen's sound sleep was interrupted.  She wasn't even contracting.  As she readjusted amid her pile of pillows, pop, gush, "Joe, I think my water just broke." Not to worry!  I've trained for this!  I went and laid a towel down and encouraged Jen to rest some more if she could.  Well, she couldn't.  At any rate, I remember asking her if she had any active contractions, and she said, "No, but from what I've read, they'll start within about 30 minutes."  So up I got and started to enact THE PLAN.

My morning jobs:

1. Remake the bed with plastic under the sheets for later in the day (had set aside an old shower curtain).
2. Inflate the birthing tub (thanks Florence for the loaner!  we bought her a new liner as a courtesy).
3. Run the [brand new!] garden hose from the washing machine's hot water tap in the basement upstairs, then fill tub.  That water was piping hot when it went into the tub.  
4. Set out our supplies, including a stock pot available to pour off colder water throughout the day to make room for more hot water.
5. Take Ian to Ginger's house, by pre-arrangement.

I don't remember really what happened when so the timeline here is reconstructed from photo time-stamps.  Contractions started happening not too long after waking up.  We called Deborah around 6am (rather than 4:30) out of courtesy to her to let her know the day had arrived.  For some reason, we felt bad for calling her so early, even though we were paying her for her services.  The frequency and magnitude of the contractions were tough, but not enough for Jen to call in the recruits.

I must have taken Ian to Ginger's around 8am, because it was wake up>eat breakfast>pack a bag and go type of morning.  Perhaps Jen didn't want to traumatize him with groans.  Maybe she just wanted me all to herself without having to occupy Ian.  At any rate, Ian was taken care of for the day, and had a great day of it.  There's a mysterious gap between 7:45 and 11:30 in our photographs, so that must have been the period of time when I was giving labor support, inflating the tub, and filling it.

Photo removed by Site Editor

caption: Note: In pretty much all of the pictures from the day, I am smiling.  And Jen is groaning. 

People celebrate Birthdays in different ways, I guess.

Our assistant doula had arrived around 10am, and I thought she had some great ideas to keep Jen moving.  For example, "I see that you have a great forest out back, and it's a beautiful day... maybe you'd like to go walking back there and work through a few contractions."  Poor Lizzie.  If she only knew.  Even IF Jen were wearing more than a tank top and a sarong, she still isn't one to absorb the beauty of the ferns and sunny woodland around in our beautiful backyard!  Furthermore, I think some degree of self-consciousness prevailed, and Jen wouldn't want to risk neighbors three streets over hearing her moaning.  Thus, much of early labor was either upstairs in our bedroom or downstairs on the overstuffed chair or standing/leaning on my shoulders.

Around noon, Jen made her way into the tub for the first time.  She says it didn't much help ease the contractions, but helped give a restful place for between the contractions.   Now, if I can pause here and consider the purpose of contractions.  I know I am grossly underqualified to speak on the matter, but I have it from Jen's very mouth that she wishes she would have "fought it less" and moved around more, because holding back on the contractions isn't helping anybody.  And yet, my job was strictly to say, "You're doing great, deep breath, you can do this, you ARE doing this, look how far you've come, I'm so proud of you, you should be so proud of yourself, just a few more seconds then you'll get a break, you are fantastic, You are Perfect."  I stuck to my script.

Deborah the Midwife came about 1:30pm, and we were happy to have her.  She helped bolster confidence, since she had the rest of the birthing kit and emergency supplies.  We were ready to get down to business.  Deborah encouraged several variations of posture upstairs (edge of bed, perched on bed, leaning on banister, hanging on husband).  It was sometime here in early afternoon that Jen went from chatty between contractions to more placid.  During this interval, I took a short break to eat something, then I stepped outside to stretch my legs.  Interestingly, in mid-March, we were having one of those unusual 71 degree days and sunny.  Several of the neighbors were celebrating the end of winter and playing with their kids out in the street.  The snow was melted off the grass and the haze of being house-bound for the previous 4 months was wearing off.   I sat on the front porch for a few minutes and chatted about how great the day was, and nonchalantly offered up that my wife was in the living room having a baby as we spoke.  Yeah, I like that kind of shock value.  After enjoying 15 minutes or so of rejuvenating sun, I went back inside to offer my support.

 About 4pm we came back downstairs for some other variety.  She was getting tired from all the work.  She was no longer distinguishing who her support worker was, and honestly, she was kind of a zombie.  During the breaks, her eyes would be closed.  We didn't have any music/radio/tv going and barely any conversation  going on in the house.  It was mostly a whisper, and then pretty much just words of encouragement.   We closed the front curtains, mulled the lamp light, and Jen started more intently resting.  Around 5pm, Jen had begged for more time in the tub.  After all, the tub was supposed to be magical and spring forth with babies.  At least, that's what it looked like in those dozens of YouTube videos we had been watching.

Back out of the tub at 6 then around 8pm I disappeared again to get Ian from Ginger's and got him tucked in bed next door at the neighbors.  That would be the last time I would put just one boy to bed!
When all was settled, we took a trip upstairs at 8:30pm.  It was a bribe.  Somehow we told Jen that if she went upstairs to use the bathroom that she could get back in the tub.  She just wanted some rest!  The unspoken collusion was that if Jen took the stairs, that would accelerate things and bada-bing, bada-boom, we'd have Blake.

Alright.  Around 9, I was invited into the tub.  I kind of understand why.  Not really though.  In many cases the husband gives irreplaceable moral support, shoulder rubs, gentle, reaffirming touch.   Mostly because it was Jen's day, and my job when she said "Jump" was to say "how high?"  I donned my swim trunks and was in.  She still seemed to not acknowledge who I was, and basically said, "don't touch me."  Okay.  Be in the tub, but keep my distance.  So there I chilled.  I was obedient.  Lizzie and Florence kept offering me snacks and water.  It was almost as good as that trip to the Bahamas a few years back.

At 11, Jen's angry voice came.  Well, perhaps not angry, but intense.  Something was happening.  She meant business.  Our midwife, assistant midwife, doula, and friend/photographer and I all started looking at each other with smiles as if to indicate, "It's Go Time!"  30 minutes later, we have a Blake in our arms.

Photo Removed by Site Editor

imagine: Happy Mama and Proud Dad in tub holding

 brand new baby

After about 20 minutes oohing/ahhing, we transition out of the tub.  

My job: hold the Blake during the afterbirth delivery!  So cute!  Paper fingernails and everything.

Afterwards, we went upstairs, Jen had her exam and was put back together and Blake had his first physical from about 2:20am- 2:40am.  3am and everyone left.  We were zonk tired, but had that Christmas Day feeling where you have a new toy but don't want to put it down for the night, but would rather play and play and play.  Jen was on a hormone rush that brought her into full alertness and a return of energy.  BUT:  I remembered that sleep is critical.  The baby would still be there in the morning for us to cuddle and coo at.  And both Blake AND Ian would be clamoring for some attention.  And we were approaching 24 hours awake.  So we went to bed, and Blake slept all night.  (Well, from 3am to 7am, Ha!)

He would continue sleeping every night from 3am-7am for the first 10 months of his life.

A Birth Story, Part 1 of 2.

{Written on April 14, 2010.}

Jen has been asking me to write my version of Blake's birth story.  I actually think there is much value in having my version down anyway, as I wasn’t the one wincing in pain, and I was more in tune with the timing, progression, and perceptions of things throughout the day anyway.

First of all, I should note a few things about our previous child-acquisition strategy.  When Ian was born, we 

12 Days Prior to Go-time. Concord, MA.

 had spent the weeks prior studying adoption protocol, newborn care, parenting strategies, and devising ways to handle the sudden jolt to parenthood smoothly.  We knew we would be getting a baby around the 19^th of February, though we weren’t experiencing the discomforts, anxieties, and warning signs that come in advance of labor and delivery.  On the due date, we called Valerie and asked how she was feeling, to which she told us that the day had arrived.  (She had been contracting all through church that morning)   We packed up the car and headed down to Cedar City amid a blinding snowstorm which covered the traffic lanes and slowed traffic down to 20-25 mph down I-15.   But the real point is that we were just going down for the show.  We were to be beneficiaries, essentially playing supporting roles to Valerie who was the lead.  She had been psyching herself up, and we had been pumping her up along the way, knowing that she had the hardest part of it all, that we were there to help HER transition into a birth-mother role.

Supplies gathering.  Our House.

Fast forward four years.  In January we enrolled in an all-day childbirth class at the hospital.  Never mind that we already had a child at home.  We didn’t really know anything about birth apart what Jen had seen on that TLC Birth Story show, what I had learned around the farm, and the little tid-bits that we had picked up from people “in the know” through the past several years.  When framed like that, it sounds like our parents never gave us the talk.  Well, parents seem to neglect the part of the talk that describes all the details of the weeks at the tail end of the 9 months, compared to the details they try to give about what happens during the lead-up to the 9 months.

So we took the birthing class and hit the high points about how the baby’s body is conducive to being shoved through a keyhole by contorting, twisting, turning at just the right times.  We talked about pain management techniques through focusing, relaxing, breathing, moving, and having a support person touch in helpful ways.  It was a quite informational class, and well-worth the investment of a Saturday and a couple hundred dollars.  We felt like we knew what was going to happen and how it was going to happen. 

Ian, our astute midwife.  Not really, but we took turns with the
fetoscope to listen to Blake make noises, as evidenced by all
the dimples we made on the cocoon.  Jen was not feeling well
this day, but she still looked good!

About a month prior to the birth, we made a decision to try for a home birth.  And when I say “try for,” what I mean is “prepare for” as in hire a midwife, gather the supplies, alienate our obstetrician, feel the highs and lows of going rogue.  We were basically turning off our transmitters to THE SYSTEM and doing the delivery off-radar.  To ME at least, that was a very enlivening feeling.  I LOVE trailblazing, doing things my own way, answering to only myself.  Under those circumstances, I always come away feeling a rush of adrenaline knowing that I have done something spectacular.  The idea of home birth seemed very individualistic, wholistic, and free-form.  (Not to mention I have always had a bit of distrust for doctors, knowing that ulterior motives of legal safety, income, and ego can sway a doctor into recommending things that are good and decent, but not necessarily the best.)  Perhaps a healthy dose of my skepticism formed when medical science proved to really be a medical experiment in terms of my tumor, Jen’s hospitalization, our infertility, and many other illnesses that we’ve encountered in the past.  Doctors gather information, process it against their experience, and make their best guess as to what is going on.  When experience fails to provide a solution, back to ground zero.  So what happens when  a couple of newly fertile lovebugs decide to do their own experiment-- rather than following a procedure that had been proscribed according to repeated case studies that developed protocols that seemed to serve the masses?  Well, you get a homebirth opportunity!  Jen has a host of other reasons and motivations regarding safety rate, bonding, pace and so forth, which I think she has enumerated before.

Test run with the birthing tub.  It fit fairly well in the
front room, and Ian and Chester gave it thumbs up!

Okay, so back to the weeks just prior to the birth.  We didn’t have to pack any bags, because we weren’t planning on a hospital trip.  Occasionally at night we ran my stopwatch function on my cell phone to get an idea of what kind of contractions Jen was feeling.  Most of the time, I’d time one, and by the time the next one came, I’d be asleep, or Jen would have lost interest in the timing.  These contractions were perhaps 20 minutes apart.  That is, until that fated Wednesday night when Jen sat up in bed all night long contracting on and off.  She said they came about every 10 minutes, were severe enough that she couldn’t sleep through them, and they felt like wrenching, cramping pains.  I appreciated the progress, especially since our official due date was to be that Sunday.  And Jen was told that she was measuring big at each of the ultrasound visits.  And we had finished all of the chores that Jen said HAD to get done before she could have a baby.  I don’t even remember what they were but I know we have moved furniture, hung pictures, cleaned out cabinets, done crafty projects like cross-stitching and silhouettes and crocheting buddy quilts.  I honestly don’t know what most of these projects had to do with the pregnancy, but Jen claimed that these things had to get done before she’d be confident giving birth.

After such a powerful night contracting, the regular contractions disbanded on Thursday, I went to work, and tried to think about contributing to various work projects.  The only problem was that I couldn’t focus.  I remember that basically Tuesday through Thursday that week I got only marginal amounts of work done.  I don’t know that anyone really expected much of me during those days.  I was soon to have my first-born second child!

Thursday night, I teased Jen that we needed to go for Mexican food to trigger the real deal.  I also asked her if she wanted to go to the gym, to the temple, to run up and down our stairs.  I was just feeling like she had had a rough enough night the previous night, and I didn’t want her to have a repeat of that.  (Now I realize, WHAT WAS I THINKING?  Those were GREAT nights of sleep!)  Jen said that we were supposed to have Pizza, according to Michaelis tradition.  

Turns out, Jen had a great night of sleep Thursday night without needing these extra things to tucker her out… that is, until about 4:30 in the morning!

...stay tuned for tomorrow's rest of the story.

Deborah and Joe embrace as the day has arrived.
Jen breathes through a contraction as the day has arrived.

Generosity

The interesting thing about this topic is that I had picked this out last week to be my final Sunday subject for my month of blogging, and lo and behold, what do we read tonight for family scripture time?  King Benjamin's sermon in Mosiah Chapter 4 from the Book of Mormon.  The portion we read tonight was within Mosiah 4:11-30.  

The reason I've been thinking about this is that I have been considering how the world sees tithes and offerings, charitable giving, and philanthropic efforts.  One prevailing view is that if you have more you should give more.  (I won't pretend that some of my thought process hasn't been shaped by news stories and discussions on tax code and how to balance the budget).  On the other side of charitable giving is the concept of a deal-hunt, where one objective of people at large (including myself) is to think first about preserving the best deal, the best economical choice for myself, and being willing to haggle or walk away.  I have gotten bargains where I felt I was getting an absolute steal (in fact a few times such a good deal that I felt that I was taking advantage:  like couponing at Shaw's and getting $30 worth of stuff for basically free.)

The main problem is when our purchase mentality crosses over into our generosity mentality.  Do we really want to be the person to nickel and dime the Lord?  As a corollary, who can we be generous to, if not Him?

Here are a few verses highlighting what we read from the Book of Mormon tonight, which taught me a wonderful lesson.  The framework is King Benjamin talking to the believers who have received forgiveness and applied the joy of gospel living to their lives:

11 And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have ^atasted of his love, and have received a ^bremission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own ^cnothingness, and his^dgoodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of^ehumility, ^fcalling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing^gsteadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.
 12 And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the ^alove of God, and always ^bretain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the ^cknowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.
 13 And ye will not have a ^amind to injure one another, but to live ^bpeaceably, and to render to every man according to that which is his due.

Okay, so this is the first mention of dealing justly with fellow man.  "Rendering to every man" as far as being honest in making and keeping contracts.  The next part is about being good providers to your children, and be a provider to anyone who stands in need.  

 14 And ye will not suffer your ^achildren that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye ^bsuffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and ^cquarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the ^devil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.
 15 But ye will ^ateach them to ^bwalk in the ways of truth and^csoberness; ye will teach them to ^dlove one another, and to serve one another.
 16 And also, ye yourselves will ^asuccor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the^bbeggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.

Seriously?   Administer to all that stand in need, even the beggar?  Maybe this is more like that friend than I thought.  Looking back up to where this started from in verse 11, I see that these are traits of those who have tasted of God's love and retain in their remembrance the greatness and long-suffering of God toward us.  They are traits that become evidence of our receiving God and and attributing our blessings to Him.

 17 Perhaps thou shalt ^asay: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—
 18 But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.
 19 For behold, are we not all ^abeggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?
 20 And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a ^aremission of your sins. And has he suffered that ye have begged in vain? Nay; he has poured out his ^bSpirit upon you, and has caused that your hearts should be filled with ^cjoy, and has caused that your mouths should be stopped that ye could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was your joy.
 21 And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to ^aimpartof the substance that ye have one to another.

These verses speak to my heart.  Everything that I have is attributable to God.  Much of these blessings have come regardless of my weaknesses and failures.  And yet.  And yet why do I have such a hard time being charitable sometimes?

 22 And if ye ^ajudge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your ^bcondemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life ^cbelongeth; and yet ye put up no petition, nor repent of the thing which thou hast done.
 23 I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are^arich as pertaining to the things of this world.
 24 And again, I say unto the poor, ye who have not and yet have sufficient, that ye remain from day to day; I mean all you who deny the beggar, because ye have not; I would that ye say in your hearts that: I ^agive not because I ^bhave not, but if I had I would ^cgive.
 25 And now, if ye say this in your hearts ye remain guiltless, otherwise ye are ^acondemned; and your condemnation is just for ye covet that which ye have not received.
 26 And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unto you—that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, that ye may ^awalk guiltless before God—I would that ye should ^bimpart of your substance to the ^cpoor, every man according to that which he hath, such as ^dfeedingthe hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants.

It's not that I have to be rich or notorious to give.  Sure I can't give hundreds if all I have is tens.  But if I have tens, I can give of the tens.  If I have ones, I can give of the ones.  There is an opportunity to give and be generous regardless of the magnitude of the giving.  Hence, the size of the gift does not indicate the degree of generosity.  Instead, it's about consistency, diligence, and intent.

 27 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and ^aorder; for it is not requisite that a man should run ^bfaster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

It's about being accountable for the things that we've been given, the things we've been loaned, and the things that we have ourselves begged for.

 28 And I would that ye should remember, that whosoever among you ^aborroweth of his neighbor should return the thing that he borroweth, according as he doth agree, or else thou shalt commit sin; and perhaps thou shalt cause thy neighbor to commit sin also.

It's about standing tall and doing what's right, even if it's not an easy path.  It's about helping others make good decisions by offering encouragement and counsel.

 29 And finally, I cannot tell you all the things whereby ye may commit sin; for there are divers ways and means, even so many that I cannot number them.
 30 But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not ^awatchyourselves, and your ^bthoughts, and your ^cwords, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and ^dcontinuein the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to remembering.  If we start to be a "big guy," but always remember where we have come from and where our breaks have come from and what factors have combined for our good beyond what we deserve, we will be more inclined to be a factor for good for other people.  We will help open doorways for others, we will answer the call when the Holy Spirit guides us to lift a weary head or comfort the downtrodden.  We will give more tirelessly, since we know that everything that we ARE is a direct result of our relationship to Him.   We are Children of a King, and (vs 19) depend upon him for all of the riches of every kind we have received, or could ever receive.

In that context, why should we resist distributing the riches of every kind in the same manner that He does?