On Confidence

Anecdote #1:
A couple of months ago, I was in a relatively small church planning meeting (maybe 10-12 people), where we start with a hymn and a prayer.  I have some talent in the musical department, so I am often looked at to pick the starting note, set the tempo, and whatnot.   
From where I stand, I see singing is one of those things that either a) you are good at, b) you aren't good at it, but you do it anyway, c) you aren't good at it, and try to avoid it.

So during this meeting, I was suffering from a bit of a morning sneeze or something, and when it came time to proceed from the first to the second verse, I paused to sneeze or whatever.  I'm sure I had that goofy sneezy face where my eyebrows were up, my chin was dropped, nostrils elongated, just waiting to explode into a tissue.

But what happens when one voice drops out?  If that voice is the confident voice, then you might find that everyone takes a deep breath, gets ready to sing, and just holds the air in the depths of their lungs and waits.  After a ridiculous couple of seconds, they look over to the confident voice and burst into laughter, realizing that the only reason they stopped was because they felt they needed to follow someone.  

So why do I tell this anecdote?  First, I thought it was kind of funny that my dropping out wielded so much power.  Second, I thought it provides an interesting look at confidence.  I am a confident singer, so people look to me and follow my lead (even when I'm wrong...).

Anecdote #2

I was sitting at an intersection one day waiting for a green light and watching some of our local teenage boys walking down the sidewalk.  I think there were four of them.  Three in front, one trailing behind.  Fourteen and fifteen year olds sometimes have a bit of swagger that says, "Hey look at me, my voice has changed and I now could shave twice a week if I really wanted to."  (I occasionally say that to myself, too.)  The boy front and center had the swagger on, and the boys to his left and right flank seemed to be engaged with banter with him seeking the center boy's approval.  When the sidewalk narrowed to go around a utility pole, the left or right flank would drop back, and the lead would push through with the other wing-man.  Interesting to watch the dynamic.  

I remember as a teen occasionally being in a posse of boys being a flank man.  I don't remember being the one leading a pack, but I DO remember occasionally having that same swagger-- but with nobody following me.  Hear that sound?  Must be the beat of my own drum.  (Though I recall that my drum-beat hit some pretty cool riffs in harmony with some others at Stake Youth Activities and EFY... then BYU was a pretty sweet drumline altogether.)


Now lets draw some observations.

What makes a confident person?  I don't think it's apathy.  I don't think it's sheer talent.  I don't think it's necessarily synonymous with being popular or famous or rich.  It's not having a fit body.  Or winning praises.

Honestly, I think it's about knowing who you are and not having to fit someone else's label.  It's a step above "I don't care what other people think" and more humble than "Look how good I am."

Instead it says, "I like the way I do things and I can back up why I do things this way."

via.

via.

that's me.

Confidence can be saying to your boss, "You are doing something wrong."
Confidence can be singing a solo.
Confidence can be having abnormal fashion sense.  (Different than no fashion sense)

What else can confidence be?

Here are a few tips that I agree with:

1.  Smile.
2.  Assume that people like you.
3. Have good hygiene.
4. Get good amounts of rest.
5. Dress well.
6. Avoid unnecessary over-analyzing or apologizing.
7. Become knowledgeable about something.
8. Put a positive spin on everything.
9.  Exercise on occasion.
10. Do nice things for others.  DC 121:45